you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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