dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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