I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
