I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
