They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
