He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize