I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize