Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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