I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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