dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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