The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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