At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We left the knife in your bed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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