You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
