i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
