Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
