I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
