Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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