Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize