so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
