why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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