If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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