I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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