I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
