It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
