No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
