why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
