be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You can't just leave with hair like that
So much Jack, so little girl.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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