Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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