it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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