are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
