Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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