he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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