I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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