you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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