I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
