She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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