You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
