And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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