Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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