the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
