My nipple is on Facebook.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
