My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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