i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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