Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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