You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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