she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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