Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My vagina is officially offended.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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