Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
