Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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