I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
