piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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