The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
