I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize