I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
