the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
