paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So much Jack, so little girl.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
