He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize