I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It was confusing and full of hummus
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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