and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
