I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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