yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
