i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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