batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize