YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
