exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
