Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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