my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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