Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
