what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
