We won't sleep together?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
