saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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