I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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