are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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