forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
