is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so let's talk penis.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
