I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
