im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
