He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
