Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
