I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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