good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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