it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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