So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
