And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
