There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You need Xanax blowdarts
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
