woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
