The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
