Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
