So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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