Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
