there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am naked and annoyed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
