the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
