38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
