Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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