Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
