OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
