No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
