her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
