Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
