The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
