don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize