guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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