you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
