guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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