I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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