new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize