I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
