And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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