Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
