The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
