I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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