he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
