If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
